Opana the coffin maker episode 65

Opana – Episode 65
 
© Akoto Alexander
 
Conductor: Yessssssssss!! Master please give me your lorry fare.
 
Opana: Ah what is wrong with you youngman, I just boarded this bus not long ago and you are demanding for lorry fare just like that, what if I pay you and the next minute your wretched bus breaks down? My friend I will only pay you when I am half way to my destination.
 
Conductor: Master you can’t leave your house or workplace and come and tell me what to do in my office. Most of you passengers don’t respect we conductors and our office, if you don’t want to comply with the rules in my office then I will urge you to alight right this moment. I won’t take any orders from any passenger in this bus this afternoon.
 
Opana: Driver I hope you are listening to your disrespectful conductor over here? Have you seen why this young boys die by heart nowadays? They talk to elderly people anyhow and expect to live long on this earth, because some of us have decided to join public transport today look at how a smelling conductor is talking to me.
 
Conductor: Please sir don’t even try to go there, if you insult me I will reply you in a double force. Did I force you to come and join my bus, why didn’t you ride in your Benz or Range Rover? Please respect yourself before I reposition you in this bus.
 
Driver: It’s enough Ali, I always tell you that for this bus the passenger is always right. Without the passenger we are not there and without us the passenger is also not there, now apologise to the man.
 
Conductor: But master I didn’t say or do anything wrong, why should I be the one to apologise when he was the one who started all this?
 
Driver: Ali I didn’t ask for your opinion on the matter, it was an order I gave you so do as I say.
 
Passenger 2: But driver what your conductor said is true, he didn’t say or do anything wrong so why should he apologise?
 
Driver: Madam please stay out of this, he’s my small boy under training and in our line of job we have codes and ethics that he must adhere to so please don’t say anything that will worsen then tensed atmosphere here.
 
Opana: God bless you driver, my respect for you has increased with the display of humility you have demostrated here. But for you madam human rights advocate, I have nothing to tell you, if I was your husband or father, I believe you will very much respect and appreciate me. You saw and heard how that youngman rudely spoke to me and you are there defending him, I doubt how you are training your children back home.
 
Driver: Ali do as I said before things go out of hand here, I am not having all day.
 
Conductor: I am only apologising to you because of my master if not like I won’t say anything to you even. All the same if I said anything offensive I am sorry.
 
Passenger 1: Youngman that is not a proper way to say sorry, in the Akan society when a young person and an elderly person locks horn, no matter how sweet or genuine your case is, you are judged wrongly. Apologise to the man in a remorseful way.
 
Opana: Thank you very much sir, may your days on this earth be prolonged and may you live to see your children’s children.
 
(In a go slow on the Road:)
 
Opana: Ice cream seller please come here.
 
Ice Cream Seller: Please sir I am here, which one should I give you?
 
 
Opana: Give me the chocolate flavour and give everyone in this bus ice cream of their choice except the conductor and the woman sitting behind me and add pie to it.
 
Ice Cream Seller: Okay sir, please should I give the little children in the car also?
 
Opana: I said everyone with the exception of the two people I showed you.
 
Passenger 3: May God richly bless you sir, my children were disturbing me earlier on for me to get them ice cream and pie, you have taken a huge burden off my shoulder. Kids what do you to grandpa?
 
Kids: (in a chorus voice) May God richly bless you grandpa.
 
Opana: Don’t mention my grandchildren, don’t forget to learn hærd in school. (takes money from his br-ast pocket and pays the ice seller off)
 
Ice Cream Seller: Here is your balance for your purchase sir.
 
 
Opana: How much is that?
 
Ice Cream Seller: It is 2cedis please.
 
Opana: Keep the change and use it to buy some of your products for yourself, I wonder when last you yourself tasted the products you are selling?
 
Ice Cream Seller: Thank you very much sir, you have made my day very bright and to be honest I don’t know when I last tasted the products I sell, the money I make as profit is a hand to mouth affair.
 
Opana: Don’t worry for God won’t make you suffer in vain, everything you are passing through is temporal, things will turn around for your good very soon. Keep the hustle alive and you will give your testimony soon. Enjoy the rest the day.
 
Driver: Ali I am waiting to hear from you, you heard what the other man just said and I don’t want you to be corrected this time round with what you say because I know you know the right words to use.
 
Conductor: (frowns but finds appropriate words to use) Am very sorry for talking to you that way sir, please forgive me.
 
Opana: Sorry for yourself youngman, I won’t accept a remorseless apology from you. Now how much is the fare that gave you the audacity to talk to me anyhow?
 
 
Conductor: It’s 2cedis please.
 
Opana: (checks his pockets but couldn’t lay his hands on any money except lotto coupons) Mary the V-rgin mother of Jesus Christ, what mistake have I done?
 
Conductor: Sir please is everything alright?
 
Opana: (sweating on his forehead) I wish I could say all is well, it seems I threw the money left in my trouser away in exchange for this lotto coupons.
 
Passenger 2: (being sacarstic) Hehehe, the good samaritan finds himself in a serious trouble after displaying an unnecessary showmansh¡p. I would love to see how this movie will end in,side this interesting bus.
 
Conductor: If it is a joke please end it right here because I swear by this job am doing that I will take my money from you before you get down from this bus.
 
Driver: What is going on over there Ali?
 
Conductor: Master it’s your troublemaker friend, after making his laws in the bus and buying ice cream for almost everyone in the bus, he now claims he is not having money to pay for his fare.
 
Driver: Whaaaaaaat? Mr man please pay the youngman off so that you don’t cause any further commotion in my bus.
 
Opana: Are you for real driver? If I was able to buy ice cream for everyone in this bus, why can’t I pay for my own fare? I was just saying that I have only misplaced the money I had on me.
 
Passenger 2: (cuts in) Point of correction Mr, you never bought ice cream for me and the conductor so don’t sit there and say you bought ice cream for everyone in the bus. Papa conductor please take your money without prejudice.
 
Driver: Ali you heard exactly what the woman said, if you try any favours your salary for the month will have a certain reflection on it.
 
Conductor: Master favour from where and to whom is that favour been shown to? Have you forgotten the last time even when my father came to board this bus, I took money from him as a passenger that he was? Mr good samaritan, please give me your lorry fare, I don’t want to say anything that will make me sound rude of disrespect as you have already tagged me as an arrogant and disrespectful boy.
 
Opana: Youngman, please I don’t have any money on me right now, please look at my face very well. When next I board your bus I will pay you three times the amount.
 
Conductor: You must be jokingly joking, massa give me my money before I descend heavily on you. You think if we don’t bend we can sleep erh, I was here in this bus when you threw an unannounced ice cream party in my bus, did you invite me?
 
2nd Kid: b-ra mate I can see you are jealous of grandpa, because he didn’t buy some of the ice cream for you, you are talking plenty.
 
Passenger 3: Josephine shut your mouth up, do you know what you are talking about?
 
1st Kid: Mummy my sister is right, if not why is b-ra mate saying he wasn’t invited to the ice cream party?
 
Conductor: Hey you this children if you don’t keep quite erh, I will knock you for you to bite your tongue, bad children.
 
Passenger 3: Joseph and Josephine, anymore word from you and I will spank both of you. Haven’t I warned you not to interrupt the conversation of adults? Open your mouth again and you all see what I will do to you, you know me already.
 
Driver: Hahahahaha Ali today you have met your much in this small kids but honestly I think the kids are right to an extent but notwithstanding that, please do your job.
 
Passenger 2: Papa driver don’t say that infront of this disrespectful children, why should they involve their mouth in the conversation of the adults. If they were my children they would be wallowing in pains by now for involving their mouths in the conversation meant for adults.
 
Passenger 3: Enough madam, you have been saying bad things ever since you joined this bus. Don’t bring your bad mouth on my kids because they are only naive. Papa mate how much did you say the man owes you?
 
Conductor: 2 cedis
 
Passenger 3: Take it and stop running your mouth like a locomotive train travelling from Prestia to Tarkwa.
 
Opana: Thank you very much my daughter for bailing me out on this disgrace act this afternoon. I have never in my life been embarrassed like this before but all the same, everything happens for a reason but for you this mate(conductor), I leave you to God almighty.
 
Conductor: Me too I leave you to Allah, was it my fault that you couldn’t afford to pay your lorry fare after spending unwisely. If your lorry fare has been paid for you by someone please keep mute so you don’t further embarrass yourself, if you paid your lorry fare earlier on as I requested, this so called embarrassment would have been averted. Please don’t bring yourself at all for me to readdress you in this bus.
 
Driver: Ali shut your mouth over there, his lorry fare has been settled for him so I don’t want to hear a single word from you again.
 
Opana: Let him go ahead driver, let him insult and disgrace me in this bus. As I earlier on said, I leave him to God almighty, I will alight at the junction over there. My daughter may God richly bless you for coming to my rescue and please take good care of my grandchildren for me.
 
Passenger 3: Don’t mention sir, I am glad I was able to step in when you needed assistance. May God be with you.
 
Passenger 2: Go well with you troubles sir and I hope you won’t spend your entire money on ice cream and pie next time.
 
Opana alights from the bus without a uttering a word to the woman but felt very angry with himself and anyone he saw on the road. He walked straight to his house without even responding to greetings when he came across people who knew him.
 
At the City:
 
On Phone:
 
Michael Ansah: Hey pretty what’s up with you and how are you doing?
 
Julia: I am doing very well Mickey, I called to notify you that I will be in Ghana tomorrow God willing. I just stumbled on a mail the airline sent me, I was thinking they will call me rather but they rather sent me an email.
 
Michael Ansah: I guess it’s good you went through your mail early enough to see the information that was sent to you.
 
Julia: Oh yes but hey don’t forget we have a trip to the northern region the moment I touch down so prepare yourself.
 
Michael Ansah: I dey for you so don’t worry at all, I only pray for a very smooth and safe journey for you. Would you like me to pick you up at the airport?
 
Julia: Of course, that is the reason why I am calling you. I don’t want that spoilt brat or any of my boss boys to come for me at the airport, I would surprise him the next morning when no one least expect me. I don’t want any bodyguards to be following me around like the daughter of the president.
 
Michael Ansah: Hahahahaha your wish is my command your Excellency, please what time will you flight touch down?
 
Julia: Don’t be silly Mickey, my flight is scheduled to touch down at 8pm Ghana time tomorrow so please be there on time. I will make an online hotel reservation this evening when am back from town, I want my privacy this time around and I don’t want the boss or any of his boys to invade in my privacy.
 
Michael Ansah: I have heard you madam, I dey for you.
 
Julia: Am off to do some last minute shopping so I won’t take much of your time, please extend my greetings to Quincy for me.
 
Michael Ansah: I will convey your message to him my dear, if we are not able to talk again before you leave the States I wish you a very safe flight to your motherland. I will be at the airport even before your flight touches down. Stay safe.
 
Julia: Okay darling, I can’t wait to see your handsome face once again. (call ends)
 
Quincy: Was that Julia?
 
Michael Ansah: Yes my guy, she is coming to Ghana tomorrow evening God willing and she wants me to pick her at the airport rather than the boys of her boss here in Ghana.
 
Quincy: Is that why your face is looking so pale like someone who has seen a ghost in broad daylight? When would you come out from this naive life style, can’t you count your teeth with your tongue?
 
Michael Ansah: Mr parable speaker, can you please speak in plain language so I can understand you because am not getting the head and tail of your lecture.
 
Quincy: I don’t know what was put in your food when you went back to your parent end that has made you so cold and slow to decipher this small puzzle infront of you. As you said if Julia doesn’t want her boss boys to pick her up at the airport rather than you, then she doesn’t want any crowd or third party interference from anyone. Is this hærd for you to read in between that line?
 
Michael Ansah: Am bothered because we will be having a photo shoot that time, have you forgotten?
 
Quincy: The main photo shoot ends at 6pm and then the party starts, I can handle the rest of the event single handedly so don’t worry your head and please don’t go and mess up this time around when Julia invites you to his room. You can’t be only urinating through that pipe in between your legs, it’s been long you change your engine oil in,side you my brother.
 
Michael Ansah: Jack don’t be drawing my mind to negative things that doesn’t exist because what you are thinking might be very far from what Julia might also be thinking.
 
Quincy: Be there and be acting like a V-rgin, you think you are so handsome that is why Julia wants you around her every now and then. If we are to compare you to those black Americans and the white guys in the States they are far better than you, you are just a monkey or should I say a decorated monkey. Even that you are still a monkey, I don’t know why the maize located its way to a toothless man’s compound. If it were to be me erh, by now she had missed her period and she is just some few months away from delivering my baby. I would have been on her like my life depended in between her legs. If you don’t like her please pass her on to me for just one night and make sure you come and eavesdrop on us that night, you will get to know that she is and opera singer from within.
 
Michael Ansah: Eeeeiiii are you saying you will impregnate Julia when she comes your way? Let me ask, is Maabena a man? Why haven’t you impregnated her so far Mr sniper?
 
Quincy: Awwwww poverty is a disease that eats into the minds of its victim. Am preaching wealth into your life and you are spewing nonsense. How do I impregnate someone when am not gainfully employed and do you by chance know how many abortions I have done with her?
 
Michael Ansah: Come forward and kneel down for me to cast out any spirit of fornication that has held you hostage in Jesus name. You claim you don’t want to father a child but you want me to father one with Julia huh? You are such a bad influence to mankind, I deliver you from your infirmity, go and sin no more.
 
Quincy: You be there are ignore the good counsel am giving you for free, Julia doesn’t need your peanut money but rather the timber in between your legs. Don’t let the witches of your hometown deceive you not listen to me as I speak wisdom into you head.
 
Michael Ansah: Counsellor Quincy, please if you know how to give good advice kindly tell the patriarch that his brother is in the house so he should leave the bush and join his brother home. My friend leave me and let me sleep because we have a busy day tomorrow. I am very okay with my Henrietta if you care to know.
 
Quincy: Be there and be playing with your testicles as I advice you, you have been making noise about Henrietta meanwhile you have not even k-ssed her before. To be honest I will slap you if you come and lament to me later that Julia has dumped you or gotten some other guy.
 
Back at the Village:
 
Opana’s Hall:
 
Opana: Herh so where did I go wrong today or who cast a spell on me that every step I took today backfired like that? So is it me that small boys decided to rub my face in the mud like that? See how that smelling conductor spoke to me just because I couldn’t afford to pay my lorry fare after spending the money on me on ice cream and the painful part remains the fact that, I gave a hooping sum of money to that foolish doctor and he walked me out of his office as if am an Ebola carrier. For the bereaved family I don’t blame them that much and for that station master also I know what to do to him, I will make him crawl to my feet, I swear with the hammer and saw I use to work. (someone knocks on Opana’s door and he goes to check it)
 
Unknown Person: (smiling before talking) Master Opana I greet you ooo, it is not in my habit to disturb people but I can’t hold myself than to rush to your place and share with you my latest discovery. I stumbled upon two numbers which will drop hopefully this weekend and I felt like sharing with you the numbers. The numbers are ………
 
Opana: (cuts in) Hold it there youngman, hold your mouth before any nonsense comes out from it, when you were tasked to go in for a fool was it behind my house that you caught one huh? You lotto agents and forecasters think we are fools erh, you write enticing things on you boards to catch out attention then you give us numbers which are not even close to the numbers that drops. I wasted one hundred and forty cedis on your useless numbers and as if that is not enough, I mistakenly threw the money on me away in exchange for your stupid lotto papers. I am trying very hærd not to descend heavily on you this evening.
 
Unknown Person: Master Opana please take it easy, the last time I made an unpardonable mistake. I got my lines wrong which made me get wrong numbers, but for today I have done a thorough check up on the numbers in question. I want to make amends for my mistake that is why I have followed you to your house, this numbers are consolation numbers which will drop even if the devil steps in.
 
Opana: Another word from you and I will pluck out all the artificial teeth in your mouth. Do you think I don’t know your plans? You can go and share the numbers with every villager in this village. Now leave my house before I do something nasty to you, I don’t want to channel my anger on you this evening and if they sent you to me, tell they you came to meet me but you couldn’t outsmart me.
 
Unknown Person: But sir I mean well this evening, I only wanted you to get your money back in a hundred fold. I want you to….
 
Opana: (cuts in rudely) Another word from you and I will pounce on you, now leave here right this moment. We are so done here. (shuts his door behind him)
 
Unknown Person: If you say so but if you decide to change your mind the numbers are 44 -51 (walks away)
 
Opana: (talks to himself) F**king man, you made me waste one hundred and forty cedis for nothing and you come here to add insult to injury. Does 44 – 51 sound like winning numbers? Let me go to bed before another person comes to annoy me.
 
Next Day:
 
Michael Ansah: Guy we are getting late for this event, please hurry up so the org-nisers will not start calling us. You know we have to be there on time and find a very good place to mount our stand.
 
Quincy: Talk of the devil, the female org-niser has just sent me a message to ask where we are? Am almost done and please don’t forget the programme will travel late into the night.
 
Michael Ansah: Am very much aware of that, now let’s get out from this house. I don’t want that lady to be hovering around me because of lateness.
 
Quincy: Enough you castrated dog, let us go but please I hope you have taken everything we will need on you?
 
Michael Ansah: No need to worry because I have got all covered.
 
Quincy and Mike got to the venue they will do the photo shoot, went through the photo shoot successfully and soon it was time for the awaited party to commence. Because of the role Quincy and Mike played they were given VIP treatment with everything they ordered, Mike kept ordering for grilled meat and fruit juice all throughout his time at the party grounds, later he checked his watch and it was half pass seven, he notified Quincy and left the place to the airport.
 
At the Airport Arrival Section:
 
Michael Ansah: (takes a look at his watch) Its already 9pm and Julia is not out from the airport, I hope all is well with her?
 
Julia: (walks out scre-ming to meet Mike) Hellooooooo darling boy, I have missed you like breath. Sorry for the delay, the flight had a holdup because of some transit passengers, have you been here for long?
 
Michael Ansah: Not so long my dear, how was your flight?
 
Julia: It was good except for the unnecessary holdup, if I knew it was a transit plane earlier on, I wouldn’t have bothered to board the plane at all. All the same am here in one piece but there is a change of plan Mickey, I hope you will understand me with that?
 
Michael Ansah: Let it out so we see the outcome.
 
Julia: During the holdup I had an alarming call from one of my cousin’s, she said my mum’s sickness has taken a different dimension that if I delayed any further I would only come and meet my mum’s corpse. So I told her to hire or rent a land cruiser so that we journey to the north this very evening, she is supposed to be somewhere around here.
 
Michael Ansah: (feeling sorry for Julia) Mmmm travelling with you to the north wouldn’t be a big deal though, I only have to place a call through to Quincy to tell him the new development.
 
Julia: Mickey going with me wouldn’t be the right idea, I have something very important that I need to deliver to my boss asap, since am travelling tonight to the north I can’t deliver it to him myself so I want to entrust it into your hands for you to deliver it on my behalf, you can later join me at the north the moment you deliver the things for me.
 
Michael Ansah: Well am okay with that, where are the things or the thing?
 
Julia: Mickey I could have asked my cousin to do the delivery on my behalf but I chose you rather which means I trust you so much, please make sure you deliver it to my boss before 8am tomorrow morning and whatever you do please don’t open the package. When you get to my boss house tell his guards that I sent you and that I will call him later to explain things to him, I will text you the address to his place when I settle in the car to the north. Mmmm please dial this number for me, it’s my cousin’s line and I want to know where she is now.  When she comes I will sort the things out in the car so I give you the package and the things I bought for you……..
 
I am sensing a looming danger ahead, can you feel it too?
 
*Was Opana treated fairly by the doctor and bus conductor?
 
To be continued